When I was a kid, not even inducted in pre-school yet, Mom says I used to grab a pen and draw circles on magazines pretending to be writing. I still do the same…only now the pages are initially blank and the circles are replaced by words. But the pretence is the same. Today of all the days I realized why it’s not always possible to express everything in writing. Why sometimes you just feel so chocked with emotions that even words don’t help.
Writing to me has always been the most natural way to share thoughts. While other bought gifts for their mothers on mother’s day, I’d simply pen down a poem for her. And whether she liked it or not, she’d always appreciate it. I even remember how I’d cunningly written a formal application to my parents with the following salutations-
The Head of the family
The Deputy Head ..” of course, the who’s who part was left unsaid.
But today my writing has failed me, because I don’t know how to express what I am feeling. Facing death up close, it’s my first time. And losing someone who has always been a pillar of strength, an inspiration since childhood, my Grand Pa, can never be easy. I associate writing with his loss, because he was a person who always amazed me with his talent. A Physicist & a writer, Dr. Kulomani Samal was a name many scientists & writers from Odisha know very well. He showed me how to find your passion in supposedly opposite streams-art & science. He made me love Physics and corrected my pronunciation as well. In fact it was he who told me about UK & US versions of the language. He would often make me read aloud newspaper headlines when I was a kid & poke at my vocabulary from time to time. He’d give me Odia poems sometimes to translate. I was the happiest when last year after reading something I’d written, he’d expressed his desire that I write his biography.
Such a versatile personality he was & is still such an inspiration for me… He left for the heavens today…at his study table, writing…Far away I can’t even be a part of the funeral.
Writing to me is fulfilling your dream Aja, to make you smile up there when you see me, proud of your granddaughter.